sorrowful summer nights

image taken from: flickr

Coming back early for Summer School has done me a lot of good in many ways. I actually go to lessons now and am beginning to enjoy them. I do housework & laundry on a very frequent basis (as compared to once & only(!) when absolutely necessary last year), I have learnt how to cook simple but delicious dishes, I am starting to take public transport instead of cabbing everywhere, I am extremely productive, neat and I don't spend money as impulsively as I did before. I keep myself completely occupied with school work and other appointments on balmy summer days and wind down by taking frequent trips to the beach. I am fine during the day. I would almost go so far as to say there are moments where I feel accomplished and happy. 

BUT! The moment night falls, every single emotion I have been avoiding and running away from during the day hits like an icy cold wave and drags me into the deep currents of my mind. I can't escape. The emptiness and the hollowness that I have been trying so hard to fill with activity after activity will not go away at night. I feel paralysed with sorrow and don't understand how merely missing someone can affect anyone this much. Being with someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and having to get used to being without them for an indefinite period of time is excruciatingly painful. I hate the nights and I hope it will get easier. I hope the tears will no longer roll down my cheeks and stain my pillows. I hope that one day, I'll get used to being away from you. Because right now, being away from you is making me feel like I should be taking prozac. 

I miss you babe,

come back already.