to you,

The past 8 months have been a roller coaster ride of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. There have been times where I've felt like it was humanly impossible for me to feel more satisfied, contented and complete- just being in another's arms and basking in the glory of our love. And yet there have been times where I could see the cracks in the foundations of our relationship, fearing that they would never again be repaired. Over the past 8 months, I've looked at us as two separate entities that have slowly grown and bonded together as one. You grew from being someone I shared something special with to someone I shared my life with. You grew to be part of me- you were my heart and my limbs- I couldn't function without you. You were my lover, my best friend, my family, my inspiration, my everything. We shared our dreams, our fears, our happiness and our pain. We talked about our future together- we would have a small white wedding (I'd be a stunner in a custom Vera Wang and you'd look hot in a custom-made tux). You'd set up a cafe (with all the delicious food you cooked lovingly for me) and part of it would be a bookshop (one that I've always dreamed of having) and I would tend to both the cafe and the bookshop while you managed your graphic design company upstairs. We said we didn't need a big house but the way we planned the house sounded like we'd need a house with at least ten rooms (including a library because I've always dreamt of having one and so did you). We'd find a good sperm donor and use your egg for our first kid and mine for our second. We used to joke about how much our kids would look like us if we could physically create children together because we looked so alike. We wanted a boy and a girl. A boy first then a girl so he could take care of her. We'd raise them in a good school in Thailand and then send them to Australia to study when they got older because we liked the lifestyle here. You would make them lunchboxes to take to school (because you love to cook kid's food and you were always the better cook anyway) and I'd ferry them around. They would call you KhunMae and they would call me Mummy. We'd grow old together and die together because it was impossible to fathom that one of us would live a day without the other. We used to stay up late at night, cuddling in matching pajamas and having long heart to hearts punctuated with passionate kisses. In the past 8 months, you became part of my family and I grew to become part of yours. My parents adored you and likewise. I loved your family like I loved my own. And I like to believe you did too. We travelled together- Singapore, Thailand, a trip to Snowy Mountains and Korea (it was the first time you were allowed to travel overseas with your girl). We spent the days lazing around with each other and the nights doing the same. Cuddling and kissing became our favourite past-times and rushing school work became a habit of ours. You probably don't know this but I used to watch you sleep in the mornings like you used to watch me sleep at night. You looked so cute asleep. Sometimes I'd wake up and find you in the weirdest positions- once I found you in a position I can only describe as you wanting to be Superman. When you dreamt, your eyelids would flutter and I'd always wonder what you were dreaming about. I'd plant kisses on your forehead and you'd whine because my hair would tickle your face. As much as I loved watching you sleep, I couldn't wait till you woke up so we could cuddle, kiss and laze around some more. You used to cook the most delicious meals for me and through you, my interest in good food deepened and I learnt how to differentiate the good from the average. You said you wanted to be a chef because I believed in your cooking abilities. And rightfully so, I believe you'll be an amazing chef. I can see how being in the kitchen and cooking brightens your spirit and as you bustle about the kitchen, I see how cooking comes naturally to you and how you brighten up when you see my reaction after tasting the food you've cooked for me. I didn't just love your cooking. I loved how happy and alive you were in the kitchen. Some nights you and I would dress up and go out on a date at a nice restaurant. We weeded out the good ones from the bad and we had no qualms about spending money on good food (especially you). I loved our date nights and I loved the way you looked at me while I was all dressed up before we left the house. Somedays we'd stay in and you'd cook which meant grocery shopping together. We'd buy alot more than was necessary and I felt like a married couple while we argued over what to buy. You and I took turns falling sick throughout the year. It killed me to see you sick. And when you got sick, you would get sick for weeks on end. Everytime you got tonsilitis, I wished I was the one that had it instead because I could see the pain you were in. I did everything to try and alleviate your pain. Wiping you down with wet towels while your fever burned persistently, feeding you Advil after Advil to get the pain away, finding food for you to eat, changing your clothes for you, feeding you.. But when you looked at me with pain in your eyes, your fever burning and your throat hoarse, I felt useless and wished I could do more to get rid of all the pain. Everything I did for you while you were sick, you did for me while I was. You tended to me lovingly and patiently while I complained, cried and whined about how uncomfortable I was feeling and I got better quickly from your care. You were my hero. Unlike most other people, you didn't laugh at the fact that I still needed to sleep with my 17 year old bear. You gave Tumble life and you grew to love him like I do. Somedays we'd even fight about who should hug him to bed at night- I always let you win. We both shared the same childlike joy from going to a toy store. I remember the first time we went to the toy section together and our eyes lit up and we laughed about how no one else gets this excited going to a toy section. You loved your legos and I loved how happy you were playing with them. Even though they weren't things I'd usually spend money on and I knew that I was going to get ignored for a few hours after, I'd buy you lego because I loved to see your face while you were piecing them together and your face upon completion of a Star Wars lego starship. You loved me reading you bedtime stories to bed (although I don't think you ever managed to stay awake through one complete story, you usually fell asleep after a few sentences.. a page if you weren't too tired). I'll never forget what it was like, lying in your arms and having you look at me like I was your world. I never felt so loved when you looked at me the way you did and told me I was your angel. It didn't even seem corny that you'd tell me that- because the way you said it- I believed it. You were my world and I always wanted to give you the world. And I believe I did my best to.

Not everything was always smooth sailing. We fought quite often, over the silliest things. But we could never stay mad at each other longer than a few hours. And at the end of each day, we'd fall asleep in each other's arms and everything would be okay again. There were times when you hurt me but I always forgave you almost instantly even though I said I was mad. And I wish I could have been there for you when you needed me the most. Its something I regret everyday. Somethings though, damaged me for a long time and thats where the cracks surfaced. But every relationship has its ups and downs and the ups you and I shared were always worth the downs.

Today is our 8th month. To be frank, I never thought that we'd be where we are now at 8 months. And I still don't know what is to become of us. Everything I've written about the future we've planned together- I don't know if it'll materialize anymore. But this I know: I believe in us. And I still have faith in our love. Because I know that you and I are so much more than this. Because we ARE so much more than this.

Happy 8 months, thank you for every experience you've shared with me the past 8 months. I've grown so much as a person and my life is richer because you are in it. And I love you, more than anyone ever will. And no one will ever take your place in my heart. Just remember that.

I'll be loving you forever,
deep inside my heart you'll leave never
even if you took my heart
and tore it apart
I will love you still, forever.

Love, Me.