my parents are starting to notice that there is something wrong with me despite my happy facade around them. they are trying to force feed me with food because apparently, i look too pale and thin. and i'm sitting there at lunch trying to swallow every morsel with a smile when i can feel my body rejecting it already. its a horrible, horrible feeling. having to put up this happy facade around my parents is completely draining and exhausting. i wish i was alone for awhile. 

how many nights will i have to cry myself to sleep before all this will be over?